Post 542: Commander Who?

Stardate: 71102.2200
Title: Commander Who?
Author: Salvek
Scene: Seven
Time: After Can't Get Enough
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"Who are you supposed to be? Commander Spork?"

"Yes. How did you know?" Salvek answered Dabin Reece, more than impressed by his deductive capabilities.

"Well, it's pretty easy dude. You are wearing the traditional Starfleet uniform, with the gold Commander bands, and for some reason, which I assure you is WAY beyond my ability to grasp, you have a picture of a Spork on your chest." Dabin Reece gave Salvek his full attention, wanting nothing more at the moment than to hear exactly how this outfit had been conceived.

"Lair Kellyn suggested I should make a costume based upon someone I remember from my childhood. All Vulcans admire the teachings of Spock, so I chose him. My wife felt I needed to "lighten it up a bit" so she suggested I play with the name a little, and Commander Spork was born."

As if by magic, with a flick of his wrist, two sporks appeared in Salvek's hand. He held them out towards February and Dabin.

"Please, have a spork my friends, so that you may remember this night of bonding with your crewmates."

Each of them looked skeptically at Lair Kellyn. She nodded encouragingly for them to take the sporks.

*Do you think this last Pon Farr finally made him snap?* Dabin spoke telepathically to Bru.

*Just take the damn spork, Dabin.*

"The humans devised the first spork." Salvek spoke. "It is a most efficient tool, actually. . ."

*Just like you are!* Dabin Reece thought, and February burst out laughing, unable to stop herself.

When she realized that no one else had heard the joke, she coughed. "I'm sorry. You were saying, Sir?"

"A tool which performs the function of both a spoon, and a fork. Why they are not in use today, is curious to me. It is only logical to use one tool that will perform two functions, instead of two tools that only perform one. Whether consuming cake, and ice cream or fried chicken with mashed potatoes, the spork allows the eater to enjoy his or her meal without the inconvenience of switching utensils."

"Cool." February nodded, as she turned the utensil over in her fingers, examining it. "Two club sodas please!" She shouted at Trick as he dashed past behind the bar.

Lieutenant Biggs broke up the awkward silence, by approaching Salvek and standing over him menacingly in his Darth Vader costume. He activated his novelty red lightsaber, and held it at the level of Salvek's chest. "Your spork is insignificant compared to the power of the dark side. . . Sir."

"We shall see." Salvek reached into his tunic, producing a larger, economy-sized plastic spork from a hidden pocket.

"Um, Salvek, is this logical?" Kellyn asked.

"Indeed. I look forward to further proving the usefulness of this device, both as a utensil, and as an implement of self-defense."

"Just don't hurt anybody, ok?"

Salvek nodded, as he and Biggs began the galaxy's most bizarre fencing match of all time, and it could only happen during Halloween on the USS Independence.

"He is pretty damn cute." February said to Kellyn, as she sipped her club soda.

"That he is, and he really seems to be enjoying his spork crusade. Vulcan or not, I think the scenery of this particular holiday has grown on him as well." Kellyn gestured at her outfit. "Your guy certainly seems interested in you this evening, too. That was quite the little serenade you got there."

Dabin gave Kellyn a bow in thanks. February wrapped her arms around his. "What can I say, he can't get enough of my love. At least, that's what the song said."

Salvek made his way back to the group, and embraced his wife, giving her a quick wink only she could see. "Well, how did the battle go?"

"The Spork was victorious of course, my wife. Mr. London! A celebration is in order. One bowl of vanilla ice cream, and one piece of chocolate cake, please." Salvek said.

"I take it you don't want any utensils, then?" asked London.

"No, Mr. London," Salvek said, holding his mighty spork aloft. "That matter is well in hand."

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Commander Salvek
Acting First Officer
USS Independence NCC-90791

NRPG: May the Spork Be With You, Commander! *ROFL* ~ZL