Post 530: The Flames Burn Hotter

Stardate: 71029.1945
Title: The Flames Burn Hotter
Author: Ensign Rada Dengar
Scene: Rada’s Quarters
Time: Following “Wrap Up With a Nice Little Bow”
------------------------------------------------------------------
Rada thought that this was a strange day, although admittedly Rada had never been sure what constituted a normal one. After his little talk with Corbinsky, Rada had left feeling unusually confident about himself. He only worried three times about blowing up the Alchemy in a recent shift he led and didn’t even think once about what alibi he’d give if anyone considered the work sub par.

This made him smile but then he looked down at the draw where he had stored their letter and reminded himself of what he faced, his prospects still seemed bleak.

It was then that Rada’s door did something unusual, something it had never done before…it chimed.

*It shouldn’t do that* Rada thought to himself.

It did it again.

Rada wasn’t sure but he thought that he may have a visitor.

“Come in,” he called out quiet enough not to draw attention to himself if it is just a door malfunction.

The door opened and there stood a rather impatient looking Lair Kellyn.

“Where the hell have you been?!” she shouted angrily as she stormed into Rada’s quarters.

Rada used an Angosian obscenity in his head which couldn’t be translated and asked himself in a panic *What have I forgotten?*

“Well?!” shouted Lair a furious look in her eyes.

“I’m truly sorry, Kellyn,” confessed Rada “I forgot…” but was unable to finish before Lair cut him off which was just as well as he still didn’t know what he’d forgotten.

“You will address me as my rank demands, Ensign, and don’t you dare try to tell me you forgot!”

Rada still couldn’t remember forgetting anything and this certainly wasn’t the Lair Kellyn he knew, whatever he had forgotten he was sure it was important to make her this angry.

“You knew how dangerous it was and so you hid away, thanks to that a man is dead!” she continued.

Rada couldn’t believe it, it was all coming true. He realized that finally his incompetence was catching up with him. If only he’d remembered.

*I’ve finally done it, I knew I was pathetic and yet I selfishly put myself in a position where others were in danger,* Rada thought in a panic.

“Well, say something!” Kellyn demanded, positioning her face right in front of Rada’s.

“There are no words that can say it.” Rada admitted.

“You’re damn right!” added Kellyn.

*Why didn’t they just contact me and ask me where I was? If anyone deserved to die it’s me,* Rada thought furiously to himself, a tear running down his cheek, normally he would have blocked it but what was the point now.

“He bravely took on the job so we didn’t even bother contacting you.” Lair added as if she knew what Rada was thinking.

“He should have been fine, you botched up the repairs!” she added.

“What have I done?” Rada asked in a panic, his eyes down unable to face Kellyn’s stare.

“You really don’t know, do you?” asked Lair starting to cry herself “You don’t know because you don’t even care!”

She slapped him and he didn’t defend himself because he knew he deserved it.

“Please, I have to know…” Rada asked again but Lair would not tell him.

She turned around and began to leave the room, Rada ran around trying to cut her off but she was too fast and she was gone. Rada tried to run out of his quarters after her but he had been locked in.

*Quite rightly too,* he thought to himself *Someone as dangerous as you should be locked away.*

“You bastard!” he yelled at himself “How could you? And not even to remember? You absolute Bastard!” a strong tone of disdain in his voice.

He wanted to punch the wall but he couldn’t. Whatever he’d done he just hoped they’d punish him swiftly and severely, preferably with the death penalty because he did not deserve to live.

He knew that whatever it was it must have been horrible, that side of Lair Kellyn he had only ever known in nightmares.

That’s when the thought occurred to him, he wasn’t a religious man but right now he prayed that he was right.

He couldn’t concentrate. He needed something. A knife. A weapon. Something to turn on himself.

His mind was too frantic to think, he saw a glass vase he had and smashed it on the ground. He got down his knees and frantically searched through the shards for one that has sharp enough. He grabbed the largest one and shoved it in his arm dragging it along but he couldn’t feel anything, no matter how hard he pushed or how much blood he drew he simply couldn’t feel.

He violently threw himself on the ground and began smashing his head into the floor, harder and harder, there was blood everywhere. He didn’t care, he just kept on going until he felt something change. He turned his head quickly and saw the vase hadn’t been broken.

He quickly tapped his combadge “Rada Dengar to Lair Kellyn,” he quickly stated, his breathing reflecting his panic.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Lair responded with concern in her voice.

Then Rada knew, this was not the Lair Kellyn that had just visited him. That Lair Kellyn had been one of them.

Rada breathed a sigh of relief. “No,” he said savouring each breath now “Everything’s just fine. Dengar out.”

He then collapsed back on his bed and noticed the taste of blood in his mouth, he didn’t care. His injuries were real but what he’d just experienced hadn’t been. How was he going to explain these injuries to Sickbay? He really didn’t care for the moment, he just thanked whatever deity had granted him this wish.

He breathed deeply in and out whilst laughing a little to himself. He knew this was no time for laughter though; clearly the flames were now burning hotter.
--------------------------------
Ensign Rada Dengar
Engineering Officer
USS Independence NCC-90791