Post 359: Priorities

Stardate: 70807.1915
Title: Priorities
Author: Lair Kellyn
Scene: Personal Quarters of Lair and Salvek
Time: Following "Beneath, Part Two"
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Lair Kellyn sat with her left leg tucked beneath her, lounging on the couch. She lifted a tall mug to her lips. It was very full, and had whipped cream piled on top. As she attempted to take a sip, she ended up with a large smudge of that whipped cream on the ridges of her nose.

She wasn't aware of this until the door opened and her husband returned from the walk he'd decided to take after she'd fallen asleep- and smiled at her.

It wasn't that Kellyn didn't love the sight of Salvek's smile. He had a handsome face, and his smile was beautiful. But his smiles were heart-rending at the same time. Because they were a sight she saw so rarely that when she did, she almost couldn't bear it. Knowing how long it would be until she'd see that sight again.

He actually laughed softly, and approached her with his index finger extended. He brushed the smudge from her nose, kissed her forehead and shook his head.

"You and your 'hot chocolate'."

"It's soothing," Kellyn replied, patting the couch beside her. He sat down. "So, what did Zanh say? Did she know?" she asked bluntly.

Salvek's eyebrow shot upward. "How," he asked, "did you know that I went to speak with Zanh Liis?"

"How," she replied, mimicking his tone, "did you know I had hot chocolate in this mug? It's simple. I know you, and you know me. I know that when you need a sounding board and objective opinion, you go to Liis. You know that when I've needed those things in the past, I always went to-" she stopped.

She missed the man too much, she couldn't say his name.

Salvek bristled, as thoughts of their friend, former Captain and Kellyn's mentor, Admiral Jordan Morris stirred up the same illogical, emotional reaction he'd had before.

He knew that Morris was a friend to them both and that he had no reason to be jealous of the man. But in his current state of mind, he still struggled with frustration. He knew that Kellyn had been holding out on him when it came to revealing why she had such mixed emotions about her unscheduled trip awhile back, aboard the runabout Io.

"I know that you need answers, Salvek," she felt as if she could still hear his thoughts in her mind, just as during their melds. He said nothing.

"I know you wonder why I didn't tell you everything." Kellyn set down her cup and reached for his hand. "It's not that I have anything terrible to hide from you- it's more that I was disappointed in myself. I- I feel as if I failed him somehow. And you, and Tues. I feel like I've failed you all."

"How could that be possible?"

He wished that he could meld with her again to read her thoughts in the manner in which he was most accustomed, but knew that she was still too drained. It would be too dangerous for her. So he would have to settle for, and rely upon, her ability to find the right words to explain. For now.

"I didn't have a choice about going with him. He didn't know I was on the runabout, I was unconscious. Then at the beginning, he kept me sedated, tied me up. Salvek, this wasn't the Jordan Morris you and I know. He was different than I've ever seen. It wasn't just on the surface, either. It went all the way through him, to his soul."

Her eyes were darkened by the memory, and Salvek tightened his hold on her hand.

"I love you, too." she whispered. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and then continued. "But as time went on, and we got farther away, he began to trust me. At points, he even fell asleep, and I was flying the runabout. I- I could have turned back. Sedated him. Called for help. Done. . .something."

Salvek was disturbed by this revelation. He moved to stand, and took a few steps away. "You are saying that you had the opportunity to turn around, but you chose not to?"

"I'm saying that I had the chance to try. I don't know what he'd have done if I'd tried and failed. I know he wouldn't have injured me, but-" her voice trailed off. "Likely it would have ended up the same, with him putting me into the escape pod and sending me home. Still, I feel like no matter what choice I made, or could have made, none of them would have been right."

Anger clouded Salvek's powers of reason. "You chose to expose yourself to further danger, to incalculable risk, knowing that Arie and I were here, worried about your condition, desperate for information? Knowing how much we need you?" He began to yell. "Knowing how much we love you?"

"Salvek, please, listen to me. You know I had a concussion. You know that Morris had knocked me out with Prophets' only know what in those hypos. I wasn't thinking clearly. It's taken me a long time to figure out what really happened on that trip and what was nothing more than the inventions of my own imagination."

Salvek scoffed.

"Let me finish! I know the answers now, and I want you to know. I didn't think of it as putting anyone else before you and Arie. I thought of it as doing my duty as a Starfleet officer, and as a friend to both Morris and Tues. I did what I thought was best at the time. Whatever else I could or couldn't have done, in the end he sent me back, and here I am with you while he's still out there."

Kellyn tried to turn Salvek to face her, but he wouldn't look at her.

"It appears that your priorities are not aligned properly, Lair Kellyn." Salvek continued, anger punctuating each low and measured word he spoke. "Perhaps you need some time to think about what really matters to you."

"Please, Salvek. Do not do this. This is not you. This is the Pon farr, this is the stress of all of the memories you've just uncovered," she was truly afraid for him. "Do not turn away from me. You need me, especially now. Please don't."

"Yes, I need you." he shook his head. "Perhaps, if given time, you will think about that, and realize how much knowing that I am not first in your life, or your heart injures me."

"What are you saying?"

"Perhaps we are too different, you and I. Perhaps-"

"Don't say it," Kellyn clenched her fists. "Don't ever say we were a mistake."

"Time will tell," he replied, turning and walking toward the door.

"So you're just going to leave, then? You're going to abandon everything we've built?"

"It is you," Salvek said sadly, "who chose to abandon us."

"Don't walk away from me! Stay and finish this!" She moved between him and the door, glaring at him. "You want to know where my priorities lie? Where my loyalties lie?"

"Yes, I do!"

Without another word, Kellyn did the only thing left she could do to try to convince him. To make him believe that even after ten years of marriage, nothing mattered to her more than he did.

She backed him up against the wall, threw her arms around him, and kissed him passionately.

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Lt. Commander Lair Kellyn
Acting Chief Engineer
USS Independence NCC-90791