Post 412: What Has To Be Part Two

Stardate:70825.2100
Title: What Has To Be; Part Two
Author: February Grace
Scene: Quarters
Time: Immediately after "What Might Have Been" and concurrent with "What Has To Be Part One"
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Dabin Reece had said goodbye, and February knew the instant the doors closed between them that she'd lost someone she'd miss for the rest of her life.

They had changed each other in ways that they never could have imagined, and wouldn't even realize the full impact of for a long time to come. She was sure of it.

She stared at the image of him that she'd started to draw. The intensity of his eyes spoke of the sincerity of his soul beneath all of his joking and posturing in public.

She was reminded of the old story of The Scarlet Pimpernel- how Sir Percival Blakeney allowed himself to be perceived as a fool, or "fop" as was the term of the day, in order to distract everyone from the fact that beneath there was the golden heart of a hero. A man with a higher purpose.

Very few had gotten to see the man behind the mask as the story went. February felt that she had been given a gift in seeing the truth of what Dabin was, beneath all of Reece's flamboyant influence.

She thought of all he'd done for her and her symbiont, despite the tortured history between their two previous hosts. She cursed Deveral now, because if not for his getting involved with Tuli, perhaps February and Dabin would have met under other circumstances, through Starfleet. Who knew, maybe he might have had feelings for her too. Maybe they could have built a life together.

There could be no such life for them now.

Reassociation was the oldest taboo among their people. It was also the one rule of their society that February had always questioned, much to the distress of her initiate supervisor when she was a teenager.

Refusing to allow it and enforcing the ancient shunning that befell those who would defy that rule seemed an outdated, barbaric custom. One that did not seem to keep up with the evolution of Trill as a planet, or as a people. She'd been told that it was "just the way of things", and warned that she should never dare to even ask the question again.

After all the curruption she'd seen and experienced the effects of first hand, she now doubted that there was much left to believe in when it came to the rules of Trill society. With so much hypocrisy and deceit going on barely beneath the surface, how could the Commission claim to be fit to judge anyone else's conduct?

With all that had gone on, she had been lucky to get out of their clutches alive. She certainly wouldn't have, if not for Dabin's help. There was nothing left for her on Trill. But when it came to Reece. . .she hated even considering the possibility that the symbiont would never get another host if. . .

What the hell was she thinking? This was a pointless exercise.

Of course Reece would get another host in the future. Dabin was gone, by now he'd left with his long-time companion and that was that. She would never see him again. He didn't care for her the way she did for him. End of story.

Maybe Salvek had been right. Maybe she was hung up on emotionally unavailable men.

Even if the Vulcan was right- she knew that the feelings she'd had when she and Dabin played music together and he'd been so close to her set the new standard by which she would judge all future feelings.

In that moment it became painfully clear to her that she had never really known what it was to feel real love for anyone before him. She felt stupid about it, embarrassed thinking she'd made a fool of herself by nearly kissing him. But then she remembered something Trick London had told her long ago- not to ever feel sorry for loving someone.

*Maybe he will take something away from this whole experience that will bring him strength, in the future at a time when he needs it.*

She'd been working on her drawing as she'd been running all of this through her mind, and she stared at the paper in astonishment at the finished product. She set it aside now, so her tears wouldn't smudge the charcoal. It was something she wanted to save.

She was exhausted and she sank into bed, succumbing to sleep. Her dreams were vivid, replaying the last moments before he had said goodbye. Her mind wouldn't let her rest, and she found herself waking repeatedly, wondering what he'd have done if she'd stopped him when he said it'd be easy to stay.

What if she'd just said what she really wanted to- *Don't ever let me go.*'

Would she have to wonder for the rest of her life as Sachal had, what if? Why hadn't she listened to him? Hadn't he warned her that if the day came when she felt that she needed to speak up, that she should? She found him scolding her sadly in her dreams as well, asking her why she hadn't learned from his mistakes. . .

"February! Open the door!"

Before she had time to think, she told the computer to release the locks and he was sitting beside her on the bed, holding her hands.

"I can't stop seeing... everywhere I look I see... I swear, I heard you calling me, I felt..." he stopped, hesitating.

*I thought he was gone forever and now I've been given a second chance,*

She wasn't going to waste it. She was going to do what Sachal told her to. She was going to speak up.

"Did you mean what you said before? That it would be easy for you to want me? To fall in love with me?"

"February," Dabin replied earnestly, "I already have fallen in love with you."

Her breath caught, her lips parted, and she leaned her forehead against his, as he had done with her before.

"But what about-?" she asked, unable to speak the name of the woman she felt stood between them.

"It was over a long time ago, she's already left." he paused, his tone deadly serious, "You know what this would mean, for us both," he was worried about her giving up anything for him that he couldn't give back to her.

"I know, and I don't care," she whispered. "But what about Reece?"

"We've come too far, through too much to let the disapproval of people who don't understand stop us now," he replied as if he was speaking the very words she had been thinking. "This is about February and Dabin, not anyone else."

She was fast realizing that her life was about to change, and that after this night she would never again be who she'd been before. She felt her courage falter, and only thought the words she wished she could find strength to say.

*Stay with me, or take me with you, just please, don't let me go.*

"I won't," he said aloud, revealing that he had heard her thoughts loud and clear. "I promise you, I won't ever let you go."

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Lt. (jg) February Grace
Helm/Flight Controller
USS Independence NCC-90791

NRPG: OMG indeed, Mr. Reece! I had no idea that it would turn out like this when we joked months back about how funny it would be if Grace and Reece had met previously. But at the end of it all, here we are, Thanks for sticking around :) ~FG