Post 391: Remember Me Part One

Stardate:70815.1350
Title: Remember Me; Part One
Author: February Grace
Scene: Conference Room; USS Independence
Time: Following "Found"
----------------------------------
"I am the one star that that keeps burning so brightly,
it is the last light to fade into the rising sun;
I'm with you -whenever you tell my story- for I am all I've done.
Remember, I will still be here- as long as you hold me in your memory;
Remember me." ~Josh Groban (from the motion picture, Troy)
-------------------------------------

The circumstances were unusual, to be certain. Still the room was arranged, the Guardian was prepared, and it was time for the zhian'tara of February Grace to begin.

The conference room adjoining Sickbay had been cleared of all its usual furniture. In its place there was now a bed in the far corner, and a couch near the window. This configuration allowed Rigin enough space to set up the ceremonial altar.

The altar was triangular in shape. A metal frame, raised up by a platform. In the middle, a round reservoir held a portion of the milky water from the symbiont pools. Suspended in the center of the reservoir, a single candle.

Rigin had just lit the candle when Lily T'Ana arrived. She seemed nervous and paced back and forth around the room. This was going to be an experience.

It wasn't only the fact that she was going to be allowing her personality to be suppressed that made her anxious. It was that it was going to be suppressed by the personality of someone she had known so well, her former friend and Academy roommate, Wen.

Sure, Lily and Wen had drifted apart after both taking their assignments after school. That was the way of Starfleet. But when she'd heard of Wen's death, she had been sorry that she never got to say goodbye. That she didn't get to know the facts of what really had happened. Perhaps it was time finally to learn, and to say that last goodbye.

But more than wanting to do this to achieve any sort of closure for herself, Lily just wanted to help her other friend, February so that she could find all of her selves again and begin from this day moving forward and never look back.

"I'll leave you alone a moment." Rigin said as he moved into the other room to fetch Bru. Lily stared at the flame of the candle and tried to brace herself for whatever she might discover about Wen through this exercise.

A moment later, Lily smiled as she saw February come walking very slowly into the room on Rigin's arm. She was wearing pajamas, and the robe and slippers that Lily was so accustomed to seeing her wear. If not for the fact that she had such dark circles under her eyes, you might never know she'd been through such an ordeal. It was good to see her up and around.

"We should begin," Rigin said, knowing that February was too weak to stay standing for long. She and Lily simply nodded to one another, and then moved to stand before the flame of the altar. Rigin stood between them, and stretched out his arms. "Here we go," he whispered to February. She drew a deep breath.

Rigin placed one hand over her symbiont, and then the other at the back of Lily's head and closed his eyes to begin the transference of memory. He chanted:

"I'nora ja'kala Grace zhian'shee,
Wen tanus rem, Gondar February tor,
February zhian'tara vok. Tu Grace zhian'tani ress,
Zhian'par Wen garu' koj."

A wave of energy seemed to pass from the symbiont, into Rigin and through him, finally transferring into Lily's mind. She sucked in a sharp, deep breath, as if she had been submerged in water a long time and was desperate for air. She stumbled backward a few steps, eyes opening as she began to process what had just happened.

"Lily?" February asked, stepping back and clutching Rigin's arm nervously.

"Wen Grace." Lily replied. "Have we met?"

Rigin asked a few questions of "Wen" to be sure that the memories had really transferred as completely as possible, and when he was satisfied, he moved toward the door. "I will leave you alone. February, if you feel unwell, or need any assistance, just call."

"Thank you."

Lily was looking, up, down, at her hands as if she'd never seen them before, taking in everything in the room around her. "I'm alive?" She whispered. "How can that be? It means I failed," she heaved an exasperated sigh. "I couldn't even do that right."

"You mean kill yourself?" February blurted, and somewhere deep within, Lily T'Ana reeled from the blunt force of the news. The doctors had kept that secret on the return from Trill- she had thought until this moment that her friend Wen had died in an accident. "You succeeded all right. And I was the lucky one who got what was left of Grace afterward."

Lily/Wen's eyes narrowed. She looked up at February, who was considerably taller than she was. "You are Grace now? This must be your zhian'tara then," she gave Bru a 'must be nice' roll of the eyes. "Congratulations. I never got to have mine."

"Well if you'd hung around long enough you- no, you know what? We're not going to do it this way." Bru decided, feeling tired already. She went over to the bed to lie down a moment. "Have a seat, Wen. Tell me about yourself."

'Wen' moved over to the couch and finally did sit, but she fidgeted constantly. Hands always moving, twisting a strand of her hair, feet vibrating against the floor.

"Not much to tell. I'm a scientist. I was joined to Grace after Deveral. I didn't last long. My fault." her voice was full of self-loathing.

"No! Not your fault!" February assured her, leaning forward. "Grace was sick- far sicker than they ever told you. They tried unproven treatments- Plen, he rigged up this implant thing. It drove the symbiont to madness, and it took you along with it. I'm really very sorry you had to go through all that."

Wen laughed bitterly. "So you mean, none of that- feeling so out of control, wanting them all to just shut up so I didn't have to hear their voices anymore, the panic, the despair," her mouth hung open a moment. "It wasn't me? It wasn't my weakness, or illness- that I couldn't hack being joined after all?"

"Far from it. And if a doctor other than Plen had had a chance to find that out, maybe they could've saved you. Maybe if you'd known, you could've saved yourself."

Wen began to rock back and forth. She wrapped her arms around herself, and began speaking softly, mumbling. February couldn't make out the words.

"Wen," she rose from the bed and sat beside her on the couch. She took Wen's hand. "Wen, talk to me." Getting worried about what might happen to Lily if this continued, February reached out to her. "Lily, take control!"

Lily reasserted her personality over Wen's memories, and she stared at Bru blankly. "Oh, my god, February," tears filled her eyes. "Wen, she- there was no accident?"

"No, and I'm so sorry you had to find out this way, I, I thought that they had warned you."

Lily eyes were haunted. "You don't remember any of this now, right? I mean not as if you'd lived it? You don't feel the pain, you don't feel her grief?"

"No," February replied, "Not as I did before. I only feel sympathy, and empathy for her knowing what February knows about her. But as far as Grace goes, it's like Wen and Grace were never joined at all."

"Good," Lily replied stoically. "That's the way it's going to stay."
----------------------------
Lt. February Grace
Helm/Flight Controller
USS Independence NCC-90791