Post 403: What Might Have Been

Stardate:70818.2300
Title: What Might Have Been
Author: Lt. Grace
Scene: Quarters
Time: Immediately following "What Was"
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"There's something else I wanted to tell you, Reece,"

"Yes?"
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Reece nodded, and waited.

"Deveral's mother, she left him and his father when he was three. He never saw or heard from her again, not for the rest of his life. She just disappeared."

"Maybe there was an accident, or,"

"No." February said sadly. "There was no accident. She abandoned them. He decided at a very young age after seeing what it did to his father that women were not to be trusted. That you had to hurt them, bail out on them before you loved them. Because loving them would destroy you. He tried to contact her, even after he was grown, joined, famous. . .rich. . .but she didn't want to be part of his life. "

"So that's why Tulila didn't matter to him," Reece replied. "At least it makes some sort of sense now,"

"No, you don't understand," She stopped playing and reached out, stilling his hand above the strings of the guitar he held.

"She did matter to him, and that scared him to death. It wasn't that he didn't love her, Reece. It was that he did."

Dabin's hand dropped, as did his head, and February put her hand on his shoulder. "Of all the women he'd ever met, she was the only one he wanted to imagine taking on the road with him and making his eternal groupie."

He sat unmoving, silent.

"Yeah." she added. "Shocked the hell out of me, too."

"I don't quite know what to do with that."

"I don't know what you can do with it, but I thought that you should know."

"Thank you." he smiled wistfully. "I think."

She smiled back. "You're welcome."

She went back to playing. "I'm really glad that you've found happiness with someone. I hope that, someday." she wished aloud.

"I heard what Deveral said to you, and that much he was right about. Don't waste your life wanting what you can't have. Keep your eyes open for the person who is willing to carry a great big freaking huge torch for you- and then run with it and don't let them out of your sight."

She nodded.

He rose.

"I should be going. I have some paperwork to finish up around here before we get to Earth, and I promised Jaine that the moment we were within transporter range of the planet I'd get her off this bucket and we could really have our shore leave."

"I want to write to her later, to thank her properly for all she did." Bru said. "In the meantime, please tell her-"

"She knows." he assured her, and February wished she could read his mind because his expression was indecipherable as he added, "I guess this is goodbye."

"Wait," She rose from the couch, guitar still strapped to her and went to the closet. She rummaged around, then pulled out yet another guitar case and she brought it to him. She held it out.

"For you."

"I can't."

"Please. Look inside."

He opened the case and gasped like a four year old catching first sight of the haul under the tree on Christmas morning.

"No way! A Custom Classic Stratocaster."

"Try it."

With his new gift of perfect pitch, he quickly tuned the guitar up and began to play. February grinned. She indicated that he should flip it over, and on the back, Reece saw that it was autographed by Deveral.

"You have more right to this than I do." She insisted, Reece was, quite simply, speechless. He held the guitar, and stared at it with indescribable emotion on his face. He looked at her again, and then found his voice.

"Before I go, do you have time for, I mean, could we," he indicated her guitar, and she sat back down. "just this once?"

"Sure. You have a song in mind?"

He thought a minute, then sat beside her and began to tap his foot on the floor to keep time. He started to strum, and she recognized the tune instantly. It had been a favorite of Deveral's, and Tuli's, a song centuries old.

Reece picked up in the middle of the song. He cleared his throat and began singing- for the first time in his life, on key.

"Well it's too late, tonight, to drag the past out into the light. We're one, but we're not the same, we get to carry each other, carry each other. . ." his voice faded, and he gave her a 'take it' nod, and she understood.

"Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus, to the lepers in your head?" she sang back to him.

He really found his voice, and the emotion she heard in it was astounding. "Did I ask too much, more than a lot? You gave me nothin' now it's all I got- we're one, but we're not the same, well, we hurt each other then we do it again,"

He sang on. Their guitars rang out in perfect harmony, and at last he signaled for February to take the final vocals as he closed his eyes and focused on the sounds that surrounded him.

He knew that he would remember this moment for the rest of his life.

". . .and I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you've got is hurt." she sang, "One love, one blood, one life you got to do what you should. One life, but we're not the same, we get to carry each other, carry each other. . .one."

When it was over, they stared at each other for a long time. Reece leaned over, resting his forehead against hers with his hands on her shoulders.

February shook as she took his face into her hands, feeling a completely confusing but totally overwhelming urge to kiss him.

She stopped herself.

Even if he wasn't engaged to another woman- a woman who had helped save her life no less- there were laws against "reassociation". Any Trill who became involved with someone a past host had been lovers with would be banished from the homeworld, and their symbiont would never be granted another host.

She caressed the spots on his face gently. "Dabin,"

He tried to break the spell he felt he was under. "February," the tone of his voice carried an unspoken warning, and she closed her eyes.

"It would be," she paused, her voice trembling. "so easy,"

He knew she was vulnerable and confused and he slowly backed up. He held her hands tightly in his.

"She really loved him, you know." he whispered, "Until the day that she died. I suppose part of Reece will always," he was the one who stopped now.

"He loved her too," February replied, "As much as he was capable of ever loving anyone."

Dabin kissed her slowly on the cheek, then grabbed up his things and moved for the door. He stopped, paused in the entryway, and sighed heavily. Not looking back, he thought of the look he'd seen in her eyes seconds before and said only one thing more.

"You're right, February. It would be so easy."

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Lt. (jg) February Grace
Helm/Flight Controller
USS Independence NCC-90791

NRPG: In case there's anybody on this planet who doesn't recognize the song, Lyrics from One, by the brilliant and timeless U2. I guarantee you someone, somewhere will still be singing their stuff four hundred years from now. ~FG